You Shouldn’t Either.
And You Shouldn’t Either.
That may sound harsh, but it’s not exactly, how it sounds.
What I mean is, strangers, don’t give a fuck, as much as we are telling ourselves they do.
I started to notice that I had a pretty bad habit of building up in my head, assumptions, worries, what other people say on the bus or maybe in a waiting room were thinking of me. This isn’t something that I would consciously do, either. No, it took me years to realize that this is what I was doing. And once I finally did realize it, my whole reality shifted a little.
We live in worry, of what judgement others pass on us,Here & Now.
Judging ourselves in the process.
But no one is actually thinking it.
They’re too busy, judging themselves, too.
Let me paint an example for you.
I have come to notice, through observation of this in even myself, an odd social habit that people have. I take the bus, a lot, and this is where I’ve noticed it the most. I noticed that pretty much everyone is avoiding not even just eye contact, but they’re avoiding any interaction. Like they might implode if you catch them looking like they’re looking at you.
A good example is waiting for the bus. I often just sit/stand and stare off into the direction of the bus, or I’ll check the electronic schedule that is usually above the benches frequently. Well if someone is sitting in the direction that I have to look, I notice they get very uncomfortable, especially if I’m looking for a longer period of time than they are comfortable with. They start looking nervously back and forth at you, mentally assuming all of the judgments they think you’re passing when really, you’re wondering where the hell your bus is. See people tend to think they have a sign, advertising their baggage, that we can all see and therefore immediately judge and label them accordingly. Oh, they probably are thinking that I’m just a junkie, drunk, hoodrat, sl*t, a total weirdo. When in reality, I’ve got better things to be giving a fuck about, rather than judging you and building myself a life story for you. Or on the contrary, people tend to do this at each other. So you’re both sitting there, judging yourselves, but assuming that you’ve accurately read everything they’re thinking.
Peoples thoughts on you, Is none of your business
Sure, people do judge and make assumptions based on how you present yourself, that is kind of the point of a first impression, and unfortunately, we don’t get to choose what our impression on someone is. The beautiful thing about this is though, its actually none of our damn business. That’s right, even if it is about you, people’s opinions and thoughts on you are none of your business. Additionally, for the most part, you will never have to deal with or act on these thoughts. You don’t need to defend them and you’ll probably never get the chance to, anyway.
For the majority of people that see or meet you, your impression on them will only be as long as the current interaction.You read it here first.
I’ll let that mind bender sink in.
Don’t get me wrong, that doesn’t mean that if you look significantly good, people won’t remember or think back about you after they’ve met you. Similarly, they definitely will if you smell like cat food.
So should we care about what people think of us?
No! Because they’re probably not even thinking of you! People have much more important things to give a fuck about rather than you and your life, no offense. But you have better things to worry about, too. Like what you think about your own self and life.
When I finally realized this, after a good 24 years on this planet. A few things happened.
I started to be able to catch myself in this kind of thought loop. The thought loop of oh that person is looking at me, what do you want, what do you want anyways, yeah I wore sweats out today, what of it, and so on thought loop. Whether you realize this or not, this kind of thought process isn’t actually healthy, in the long run, it kind of ended up giving me a bit of paranoia about how I was coming off. Its good to be conscious of what kind of impression you make, but you don’t need to obsess over it.
Once this habit was officially a thing of the past, it was honestly a bit liberating. I didn’t know how much mental space, time and energy was wasted to thoughts like these. But it was a lot. Now I find myself having much more productive, healthy thoughts in times like that and don’t even notice, or give a fuck when someone is maybe looking at me. After all, every interaction with someone starts with them seeing you in one way or another, and at the end of the day, they will still decide how they see you in their own mind. It’s just how it is.
So what does all of this mean?
People Don’t Give A Fuck! You Shouldn’t Either.Tweet